Posts Tagged maturing

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  warm

First things first, the trip was a big success.  We all had a lot of fun in Portland and Seattle, and the flight and logistics went off with almost no issues.  I got to spend a lot of time with friends, and a little time poking around a new city.  Portland is a nice town, and it was great to catch up with several friends I hadn’t seen in years.  The hotel was cheap and very nice.  The Wonder Ballroom was something like a big high school gymnasium.  We got over 350 people out for that one, and there were plenty of fans singing and dancing along.  We hit an all night Cajun restaurant afterwards.  The next morning, we got lost in the industrial area of Portland near the bridges and inadvertently found Dunder-Mifflin, then had brunch with my old PeopleSoft friends, and then headed out to Seattle by car.  Seattle is beautiful, and we were staying and playing right in the thick of it.  Pike’s Market.  Which I guess is sort of the Fisherman’s Wharf of Seattle.  Lots of tourists.  The hotel was expensive and tiny.  But the show was fun… 650+ people in a venue not unlike a mini House Of Blues, all rocking out to covered Smiths/Moz, New Order, Depeche Mode, and Cure tunes.  Wrestled and danced in the green room.  Ended up at some ex-grunge hangout called The Hurricane.  Ate greasy food.  Woke up and headed to Bruce Lee’s cemetery on the way to the airport.  Had we started with the NeverLost, then we probably would have never been lost.  Once we found the place though, we had a very The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly moment of trying to search through the cemetery to find Bruce and Brandon’s graves.  We did finally find them and pay our respects, and then it was off to the airport and home.  Oh, and Paul’s new nickname is “The Balls.”  I know I left a ton of the story out.  Hopefully if/when the others read this, they can fill in the gaps.

But the big news for me personally is that this trip came and went without any major issues.  It’s been a hard year, you know.  But I wouldn’t change it.  The obstacles that have challenged me have forced me to face and consider many things that I almost certainly would not have otherwise.  If I had just lived the last year exactly as I have the previous ones, and not done all of this growing and exploring… well I’d feel sorry for that hypothetical me.  I am so much better off now than I was a year ago.  On a related subject, I highly recommend you take the 20 minutes to watch this lecture on perceived happiness.  It has caused me to reconsider the way I approach many situations.

Out of nowhere, I got on this kick of thinking about old skateboard culture.  For one hot minute back in the late 80’s, I was into skateboarding.  I had a Schmitt Stixx Lucero X2 deck (similar to this one, only mine* was white and had custom hot pink grip tape).  I remember being totally into decals at the time, and going to the skate shop on De Anza and picking up decals for brands of equipment and parts that I didn’t even understand.  I just liked the designs, you know.  I went looking on the web for this stuff and found some awesome sites dedicated to late 80’s skateboarding decals (Retro Skate Stickers) and decks (Wheel Bite, Skateboard Junkie).  Going through those pages brought back so many memories.  I see logos and designs and brand names I haven’t thought of in 20 years!  Powell Peralta, Santa Cruz, Slimeballs, Independent Trucks, Nash, Jimmy’z, Rob Roskopp, T&C Surf (remember their yin-yang logo, cartoon t-shirts, and even Nintendo game?), Vision, Sims, etc.  Too many to name.  And then the clothing lines like Maui and Sons and Gotcha, shoes like Vans and Airwalks.  All this stuff I remember being popular in my neighborhood during my short skating career.  Ah well, memories.  I feel at least Starla and Jonah would appreciate all that.

* An interesting story about my Lucero… so I never really got good at skating.  I think I was always too afraid of injury.  But I still had fun with it.  Back in San Jose, I used to take it up to the local 7-Eleven with my friend Olin to play their arcade games — Double Dragon and the like.  I guess I left my board out in front next to his bike while we were in there one evening, and when we came out, someone had run off with it.  I think Dad and I drove around looking for it that night, but it was no use.  A few weeks later, my friend Jonah and his big brother and their dad were coming out of a movie theater across town (the Town & Country which used to be where Santana Row sits now).  They saw some teenage kid with a distinctive white Lucero and hot pink grip tape.  Jonah recognized it as mine and alerted his dad… who then confronted the scared-shitless teen on the spot and got my board back!  Do you believe that!?  I love that story.

So that all brings me to my philosophical dilemma.  Checking out that skateboard sticker site, I see a bunch of the decals I used to love.  In fact, I just ordered a vintage Slimeballs decal (always one of my faves) for about $20.  They don’t make them anymore.  It’s a 20-year-old sticker that someone has managed to keep pristine for decades.  Is it wrong to use it?  My first inclination is that it’s an antique and shouldn’t be wasted on my pedalboard case.  It should be preserved and cared for.  But my new “shedding materialism” side says that we’ll all be dust soon anyway, and this sticker was created with the purpose of being stuck on something.  It will bring me and my friends more joy to occasionally see it on my pedalboard case and think about our youth than it ever would bring anyone just sitting in a drawer somewhere.  Preserving it for the future is meaningless and futile.  It only becomes valuable when it is used and brings joy and it fulfills its destiny.  And on that note, I picked up a Garbage Pail Kid sticker too.  Tell me, is it wrong to use these stickers, knowing that by doing so, they will eventually be scuffed and worn away over time, lost forever?  These stickers which are among the last of their kind.  Do I have a responsibility to protect them from harm… and use?

The other day in the FiDi, I saw this slick-looking black guy in front of my building, brightly colored suit, pressed straight hair, a few gold teeth.  He was stopping people on the street and opening his jacket to reveal the jewelry he was selling.  I think I actually laughed out loud.  Could you be more of a cliché?  Do you not know that you are an extra in a 1980’s Eddie Murphy movie set in New York City?  I mean, you might as well be a burglar running around in a striped shirt and a mask.

“The odds are a million-to-one against your being one in a million.”

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  busy

Well, it’s official.  As of tonight, I have only one month left of my twenties.  It’s coming up so fast.  I can remember distinctly thinking that I have a year left, six months left, three months left, two months left, and now here I am.  I have a feeling it’s all gonna go by in a blink.  I mean, all of 2009 is almost half over already.  Holy shit!  Holy shit!

I was looking through some old saved song files on my computer the other day, and looking at my Morrissey folder, I saw that the timestamp on many of those files is back in 2001.  This would have been the time that I really got obsessive about tracking down each and every song.  My point though is just to think that Morrissey’s been a huge part of my life for eight years now.  I’ve been listening for longer, but that was the time it really started becoming part of my personality.  I know that to some of you, that’s not a very long Moz obsession, or even band obsession period, and that’s fine.  Personally, I look back at 2001 and think how big a turn that was for me.  How might I have turned out without that influence?  And eight years.  That’s a long time.  I can still so clearly remember those days of discovering Moz b-sides for the first time.  Each one such a revelation.  And that was eight years ago.  Again, gone in a blink.

Morrissey turned 50, you know.  The Slim’s show was a big success, I think.  The opening bands were both great, and totally appropriate for the bill.  We played well.  The turn out was great, and it seemed like I couldn’t turn around without running into someone I know.  Damn near everyone I can remember ever coming to an SF show came out of the woodwork.  Friends I haven’t seen in months and even years.  It all added up to one of my favorite shows yet.  The radio promo was fun too, but a little rough.  We were all more nervous for that than we were for Friday!  (You can download a podcast of the radio show here.  We start at about 80 minutes in.)

The rest of my long weekend was all relaxing and recuperating.  When I hit up El Beach Burrito, I was reminded to go next door to Other Avenues (hippie grocery store).  I forget if I mentioned this place before, but they’ve got all kinds of great stuff that I can rarely find elsewhere… fake beef jerky, carob, apple butter, insanely expensive organic trail mix, etc.  For all their organic/local/green hippiness, ironically, they carry Mrs. Meyers cleaning products (owned by SC Johnson!) instead of the locally-based and infinitely greener Method brand.  But alas!  Anyway, I was tempted once again by another brand of peanut sauce, and again I was disappointed.  Tell me, is it impossible to find that Thai satay peanut sauce in a grocery store?  Can this only be had in a restaurant?

This weekend, TCB has another couple of shows, and these ones are way up north!  Those of you in the know may be aware that I haven’t been too keen on travel lately.  So this is gonna be a big trip.  I expect it will go fine though, and when it’s all over, I’ll have something to be happy about.

I’ve got much more to say, but it’s gonna have to wait till next time.  I’m busy this week, bitches!  The quote of the week comes from Morrissey, on mortality:

“People don’t last, and it’s the thinnest of lines that you step over and make that final journey.  When you’re younger, you feel that it’s a great leap to take, but it isn’t.  It’s the batting of an eyelid, and you’re no longer.  And all this brain matter that you’ve been working on for the past 50 years, perfecting, and all these elongated words that you now know and use… it comes to nothing, and you’re rubble.”

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  accomplished

I spent a good portion of tonight working on my ongoing housecleaning.  Tonight, I tried to make yet another dent in my shredding of boxes of old paperwork.  There’s a ton of it.  Destroying all these documents.  Don’t ask me why, but I have virtually all of my pay stubs, and I’m not kidding.  I literally shredded hundreds of them tonight, back through my job selling pool supplies in 1996, my days at Blockbuster where I made so many friends, my entire PeopleSoft career from internship through consulting, my time at Mercury.  I had dozens of old credit card statements and receipts from those days too.  The last surviving records and mementos from my trip to Atlanta (complete with reminders of Crista), my stint in Thousand Oaks, etc.  Reading through some of them brought back memories.  The restaurants I ate at, the places I shopped.  Holding them in my hand tonight… the last person to touch this piece of paper was me 13 years ago.  A message from the past.

If you could, what would you say to the “you” of 13 years ago?  What advice would you give him?

Should I have kept these papers instead of destroyed them tonight?  Well, it made me wish I had been blogging or keeping a diary back then.  But in the end, I’m telling myself that keeping this stuff is like scrapbooking.  Why waste my current (and precious and limited) life cataloging my past life?  Life is short enough as it is.  As I said recently, there isn’t any time to dwell on the past.  We’ll all be dead before we have time to sort it out, catalog it, and enjoy the scrapbook.  So goodbye memories of Atlanta restaurants (like Dante’s Down The Hatch in Buckhead), and goodbye records of what hotels I stayed at on which consulting trips, and goodbye list of purchases from 2001.  There’s nothing to stop you from fading away now.  Those things seem important to me because they’re mine.  My life experiences.  But it’s so easy to get bogged down by the details of everyday life.  No one, including me, will ever need all this information.  There’s no reason to treat it like the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Shredding all these papers, I shredded an offer letter I once got from a company in New York (Vitech).  I was making that career decision back around the time of my project in Reno.  I ultimately turned them down, but looking at this offer letter… it’s mind-boggling to think about all the different paths your life could go at any moment.  That job in New York you didn’t take.  That party you skipped.  The shoes you bought.  Chaos theory.  One little decision made differently, and who knows where your life would be now?  Maybe you’d be living overseas.  Maybe you would have never met me.  Maybe you’d be married. Maybe you’d have been hit by a car that very afternoon.  You can’t even get your head around it.  So many ways life could have been different.  And now, as ever, as always… infinite possibilities for your future.  And mine.

After all those musings, if you’re now bored, Starla advises you to go look at this fucking hipster.

I braved getting on a plane this last weekend for a quick round trip, for the first time in over a year.  I was expecting the worst, but despite Murphy’s Law being in full effect (my initial flight was cancelled, the flight I did get on was completely packed, turbulence so bad the passengers clapped when we landed), I survived and felt pretty good about the whole thing.  I got to meet up with Colin and his girls for a brief tea, and then it was back to the Bay.  There’s also a questionable picture Selene took of Colin and I.  I’ll see if I can nick it and put it up for you voyeurs.  Quick side note, on the flight to Burbank, Todd Bridges was on board, and on the flight back, so was Coach’s Craig T. Nelson.

I continue to hear positive feedback about that Blackthorn show a couple weekends back.  Big shows coming up, and some changes in the works regarding my gear.  I won’t bore you with the details here and now.  But I might next time.  🙂  Anyway, in addition to providing the clever title for this blog, the quote of the week comes from Sus, on the subject of her assuming absolute power over TCB:

“The whole band bear dances right now!!!  Oh my goodness, I’m so close to getting you guys to do it, I can feel it.”

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  full

Uh oh, two Fight Club quotes in the last three blog titles.  Either Chuck Palahniuk has the meaning of life all sewn up, or I’m in trouble.

It’s been a busy couple of weeks, kiddies.  Work’s been kicking my ass, and I’ve been busy even on nights when I stay home.  Certain people I know turned 30.  What else?  I did make it out to a few good shows lately, too many to remember maybe, but a few that come to mind are local bands The Tunnel (finally!), Jesse Morris and the Man Cougars (again… fuckin’ great!), and a psychobilly night.  Speaking of shows, there are a ton of good ones coming up.  This weekend is Wanda Jackson and Morrissey.  Then further out, I see the ridiculous Red Elvises (whom I’ve seen once before), the New York Dolls, and then… A Camp!  That’s right, the Cardigans’ frontwoman’s side project from 2001 has a second album coming out (finally), and they’re touring the U.S. for the first time ever.  June at the Independent.  Should be excellent!  I’ve been listening enjoying that new album, as well as getting back into Radiohead a little.  (I have Lala to thank for first forcing me to get into them many years ago, and in hindsight, it really was for the best.)

For Easter, I went to see the family… which also meant I had to / got to chase my nieces all over the house.  Kids are fun, but a couple hours of that wore my ass out.  Due to accidents, I hit awful traffic on the way there and would have on the way back too had I not made the executive decision to take Highway 1 back up to SF.  Yes, it was a bit longer, but what a stunning reminder of how much I do not make the most out of living in the beautiful Bay Area.  Miles and miles of amazing views, and more than a few small and secluded beaches, made all the more romantic by the sun going down as I sped past.  Can you imagine a sunset on what is for all intents and purposes your own private beach… ladies?  Hmmm?  Ladies?

Speaking of “ladies,” Sus is back from her Moz tour, with lots of stories, pictures, and all the latest swag.  Shel is back from her triathlon in Hawaii, a trip which was — it seems — tailored to make me feel like I’m wasting my life.  Benjamin, what did you do this weekend?  Eh, I sat on my ass and straightened my apartment up a little bit.  How about you?  Oh, I competed in a triathlon.  In Hawaii.  Betch.  Thanks a lot, Shel!  😛

In my straightening up of my place, I started getting rid of a lot of stuff.  I carried a lot of shit with me when I left home, and I’m really ready to leave that packrat lifestyle behind.  All that junk just weighs you down, and you’ll be dead long before you need any of it.  So here I was, shredding all these notes, documents, and work I’ve done over the years.  Throwing out reference sheets and training manuals for old jobs.  It feels weird to be getting rid of stuff.  Some part of me all these years has said (and still says) keep it, but what have I learned this last year?  I will never need it, life is too short, there’s no time to look back.  If I ever need a training manual for the software I worked on for a living in 2002, I can buy it again.  And more to the point, if I ever find myself needing it again to begin with, that should tell me I’m going the wrong direction in my life.  I never want to do that stuff again.  I’d rather change industries completely, move to another state (or country!) just because hell!  I only have one life to live.  Why spend so much of it doing the same thing in the same place?  On my death bed, don’t I want to be able to look back and say that I tried a little of everything?  I don’t want to spend a whole decade of my precious lifespan beating my head against the same wall.  Go drive a cab in Florida.  Go tend a bar in Mexico.  Go sell books in Ireland.  I don’t know.  Anything.  Anything, however unlikely and unconventional, just for the sake of really truly exploring all the directions your life could take if you didn’t just settle for what’s obvious and easiest like we all fucking do.  And before you know it, *poof* you’re old and what have you got to show for it?  Nothing but years of doing the same thing in the same city, state, whatever.

Sorry to get all heavy there.  But this is important.  One of the things I came across (and kept) was a card from my mother dated 1994… literally half my life ago.  I would have been 15.  It’s a long card describing all the possibilities she saw for me, for the life that at age 15 was still just beginning, with all the things that as a mother she hoped for me, her only son.  The most sacred bond between mother and child.  It ends with “I hope it’s a good life.”

When I read that again after 15 years, the weight of that statement is crushing.  It sounds like what her last words to me would be if she knew she only had one sentence left.  I think about all that’s happened since then, where I am in life, and I feel an awesome responsibility to seek out my own happiness and not waste the opportunity I’ve been given at life.  A responsibility to myself, but also to her and to the people that have sacrificed over decades to put me where I am at this moment.  A responsibility to all the people that care about me.  A responsibility to see that hope realized.  Yes, it’s been a good life, but I’ve been lazy and taken it for granted, and it could be much, much better.  And no one is bound nor able to see to that but me.

“I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet.  The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist.”

— Jack London

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  productive

A couple of days ago, I reported that the world was ending because Christina Ricci is engaged.  And truly, I was about ready to write us all off, when out of nowhere, a life-affirming miracle occurred: Spandau Ballet announced they’re getting back together.  It doesn’t take all the sting out of the Ricci news, but it just might be enough to keep me going.

So I’m in the process of cleaning my place.  That doesn’t happen often, so it’s nice to see the progress and how drastic a change it can be.  There’s been a growing feeling in me lately that I am somehow weighed down by my possessions.  I’ve had an urge to drastically simplify my life, including the shedding of material objects that are more a burden to me than a source of happiness.  I want to get lean and efficient and focus on just the things I really enjoy.  I was clearing out DVDs the other night.  I don’t have many, but honestly, I can’t remember the last time I watched a DVD at my place.  I don’t even rent them.  I almost never watch movies anymore.  It feels like such a waste of space, money, and time to have procured and retained them.

And believe it or not, yes folks, this extends to my beloved guitar collection.  Hold on to your hats.  There was a time in my life (the last 5+ years really) where I took a lot of pride in that collection.  It felt good to have a bunch of guitars.  Like I was somehow complete… or maybe prepared for anything?  Or maybe it was just a way to show off my good taste?  I don’t know entirely where that impulse came from, but I think that time has passed for me.  Now I figure, anybody could have a guitar collection if they made it a priority like I did.  It’s nothing special.  Just most people spend their discretionary income on a flashy car, or clothes, or travel, or home theater equipment, or whatever their passion happens to be.  Mine happens to be the guitar.  But I don’t have anything to prove anymore in that arena.  I realize now that owning a nice instrument (or several) doesn’t say anything special about me.  It’s nothing that any other person couldn’t buy with that same money.  And hell, there are plenty of rich folks who could build a house out of guitars if they wanted to, so who cares?  Status symbols like that seem ridiculous and shallow to me now.  In the end, there are better things to do with my money (and floor space) that will bring me more lasting happiness.

Holy fuck… I think I’m like… growing up.

I’m in no rush.  I don’t need to sell them this second.  I just don’t need them in my life anymore, and it would be nice if they could go to people who’ll really appreciate them rather than let them gather dust.  It’s wasteful.  Guitars are made to be played, not collected.  I have too many to give sufficient attention and love to them all.  What used to be my pride and joy now feels like a burden.  A man does not need 20 guitars.  It’s a waste of my life to deal with them… or to even think about them.  I don’t even want them in my consciousness anymore!  Be gone!  I’ve got a life to live here!

So with all that in mind, I’m going to start off-loading those instruments that I’m not getting real use out of.  These here will probably be the first to go.  You may notice one of the famous “Twins” in there.  You may also notice I don’t like warm colors.  Anyway, if you see anything you’re interested in, let me know… some rare stuff here.

Even if you aren’t selling off your prized possessions, you can still find ways to cope with this tough economy by saving money.  For instance, if you drive much in the city, you’ll want to check out this parking ticket map showing areas of San Francisco with high concentrations of tickets issued.  Good to know!

The quote of the week comes from me, describing someone else whose thought process does not always map to reality:

“His logic… uh… defies logic.”

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  sore

Folks… Christina Ricci is engaged, and not to me.  And his name is Owen Benjamin.  And that fucker is 6’6″, a full two inches taller than I am.  So… many… reasons… to hate… him…

But if I really think about it, the fact is that the days of me lusting after a Hollywood actress, or worse, just her public image (and admittedly, privately thinking that hey, maybe someday, you never know)… well those days are long over.  Which is to say, I’m over it.  I know enough to know that your dreams rarely turn out the way you expected, and that even when you actually get exactly what you wanted, most times you find out it’s not what you thought it was going to be.  And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about life, it’s that what you want changes.  Most of the time this is a good thing, because at least for me, it often matches what’s available.  For instance, if I still wanted from life what I wanted when I was say 20, then I think I’d be less-than-thrilled with my life today.  But if I think about my life when I was 20 now, it doesn’t appeal to me anymore.  (OK, that’s not totally true… the 20-year-old me would have envied the 29-year-old me’s city life and bank account… and the 29-year-old me does somewhat envy the 20-year-old me’s sex life and eating habits.)

Anyway, my point is just that I’m beginning to think (or realize?) that there’s no silver bullet for happiness.  There’s no one thing that you can achieve or procure that’s going to allow you to finally relax and say, “I did it.  I’m a success.  It’s all beer and Skittles from here on out.”  There is no being complete.  What you want from life, how you define success, it all changes over time.  The things that made you happy 10 years ago… 10 days ago… are not necessarily the same as the things that will make you happy 10 days from now.  Not that it’s meaningless to plan long term, nor is setting goals a waste of time… but finding a way to be happy in the moment, regardless of your circumstance, is the only real guarantee.  You can spend weeks… years… of your life working towards something only to find out that when you get there, it wasn’t what you expected.  But it was only a waste if you sacrificed your own happiness along the way.  Holy shit, did I just accidentally derive the syrupy theorem of “Life is a journey, not a destination?”  What is happening to me?

In lighter news, I will almost definitely end up with a pink couch from Ikea, but that hasn’t stopped me from checking out some alternatives.  And my, are there alternatives.  How about couches made from coffins?  Also, aside from the gaudy Chevy couch I mentioned here once before, I think that someday, if and when I share a kitchen with someone, we’ll be decorating it with stuff from American Retro Furniture.  I want a restaurant booth instead of a dining room table!

The Blank show on Friday was a hoot.  The rockabilly theme went over well, and it was so nice to be able to get some public use out of a Gretsch.  It felt natural.  The crowd (maybe our biggest there yet) was sufficiently drunk and loud by the second half of the night, and we played until the club manager made us stop for closing time.  Big thanks to all the usual suspects who came out for the show, as well as some folks that don’t make it out too often.  Hope y’all had as much fun as we did!

“I started something,
And I forced you to a zone,
And you were clearly
Never meant to go.
Hair brushed and parted,
Typical me, typical me, typical me,
I started something…
And now I’m not too sure.”

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  anxious

You’ll have to excuse my somber mood.  I’ve just lost something very near and dear to me, namely my $400.  Well, not exactly.  Something went wrong with the heater in my car, and the shop quoted me $420 to fix it.  Unfortunately, the defroster was disabled too, and with the weather we’ve had lately, that’s not going to fly.  When the work was finally done, it ended up being close to $350, but still.  From now on, if you’re in my car, you can expect the heater to be on full blast at all times.  We’re gonna get our money’s worth, damn it.

This upcoming weekend, we have a pair of very special TCB shows where we’ll be playing the entire first album, as well as unleashing some other new songs.  This will be an unusual set list for us, but you’re guaranteed to hear many songs you’ve never heard us do, and some you may well never hear us do again.  Sacramento is always a fun gig, and Fresno has been a sell out the past two times we’ve been there.  It sounds very likely that it will be again, so don’t miss out!

Speaking to Fresno specifically now… Fresno, I know you’ve recently had to endure the clumsy advances of someone else.  I know you’re probably hurt and confused.  You may be wondering how anyone could murder those songs so mercilessly right before your eyes (and ears).  But don’t worry, Fresno.  We’re not all like that.  There are bands that care as much about these songs as you do, and we would never hurt you like that.  And we’re coming.  Just sit tight.

Oh, and speaking of Kermit the frog, here’s an interesting read on the background of the Muppets we all know and love.

I hope I’m not “outing” anyone here (for some reason McCarthy-era communist blacklisting comes to mind), but my BFF Jared just turned 30 last week.  I can’t believe this shit.  Over the next few months, too many of my friends to name will be hitting this same milestone, and I’d be lying if I said I am not — at times — petrified.  I’m anticipating a depression and will be actively looking for some new perspectives to ease the transition.  My suspicion is that it’s going to require a radical shift in self-concept that incorporates being older, slower, having fewer life options, and being closer to death… but may also include positive things like being wiser, and… well that’s all I can think of.  Anyone?  Input please?

The quote of the week comes from a conversation I had with a foreign fellow on BART the other day:

Guy: How do you get your hair to do that?
Me: Will power.

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  full

It’s been miserably cold and rainy here in the city.  My nemesis (lotion) has been a necessity due to the dry air of this cold snap.  But it didn’t stop me from making it out to Louder Than Bombs last night.  I can’t say I like going all the way out to the FiDi the same way I liked it in the Mish, but a night of Smiths is a night of Smiths, and LTB is like the Bat-signal in that it brings together disparate friends from all over the area that I rarely see otherwise.  I saw the usual suspects and all, but I ran into Jonee of all people, who I haven’t seen in a couple of years!  The magic of LTB I guess.  And then tomorrow night is that John Cameron Mitchell event.  A screening of Hedwig, some Q&A, and apparently some live singing.  Should be a hoot!

But then what about tonight?  It is Valentine’s Day after all.  Each year, it seems more and more like a big nothing.  Is that happening in general, or is that just me getting older?  I remember perforated cardstock Valentines with this or that cartoon character… making “mailboxes” in class and giving Valentines to all your little classmates.  And I remember buying gifts and going out to nice dinners in my teens.  But every year I get the impression a little more that most people don’t even like this holiday.  That even when you do something romantic for your partner, it’s viewed as expected and cliché… or it could be that I’m just a bitter and jaded old man.

Now, if only I had game like Jesus…

As of 2023, the video I had embedded here has been blocked globally. It was an episode of a short comedy web series called “Modern Day Jesus.” This episode was called “Makin’ Out” on YouTube and “The Date” on FunnyOrDie.com. It featured Jesus trying to pressure his date (played by Dexter’s Jamie Silberhartz) into inviting him inside at the end of an evening together. I believe it was directed by Oren Kaplan. Oddly, this series seems to have been largely erased from the internet, which obviously isn’t easy to do. Maybe it was problematic? Too bad. I did manage to find one screenshot, which I’m putting here in lieu of the actual video.

OK, so what am I doing tonight, you ask?  Well, the Reverend Horton Heat is in town, and that’s where I’ll be.  Maybe I’ll see some of you there?  Gossip’s going on later too… if I’m not totally wiped.

Cheers, my dears…

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  contemplative

I didn’t even think to check it until today, but you all remember that depressing site “Sorry Everybody” where people would post pics of themselves apologizing to the world on behalf of the U.S. for electing Bush?  Twice?  Well now that “change” has come, I think you’ll find the mood of that site a little changed too…

It’s been a quiet week.  I did a little shopping (finally got a cap I’m reasonably happy with… two actually).  Did I mention before that I finally went to this “Rudy’s Can’t Fail Cafe?”  This was Jamie’s idea, a famous place in the East Bay.  The food was good, and the décor was kitschy.  I can see why it’s a big hipster hangout.  Other than that, yeah it’s been quiet.  I tried to dig into my ~3,000 line “to do” list, and I got into some chunks of it that I jotted down while on the road back in like 2003.  It’s funny to see what notes I was making to myself back then.  And also depressing.  All those great ideas and plans that I’ve done nothing with in all this time.  Again, I’m forced to face the likely reality that I will never get through that list.

A combination of factors and experiences this weekend led me into another existential… breakthrough I guess?  More heavy stuff having to do with mortality.  More on that to come once I get my head around it, but I’m on to a new book in the same vein as Staring At The Sun, which I had gotten so much out of a couple months back.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

And in other makes-you-feel-old news, did you hear there’s a completely unnecessary remake of The Karate Kid in the works?

When I got home tonight, the guitar parts I ordered from the U.K. last week were already here!  This was some hard-to-find shit (hence having to get it from the U.K.), and it’ll all be installed on my Rickenbacker in time for next month’s TCB shows.  I want that Ric in tip-top shape for when I take on the Smiths’ debut album at the Blue Lamp and Club Fred.  Speaking of which, I ran across these kind words about TCB’s last Fresno show, and our fans in general.  I also heard from a few other people who saw a certain rival tribute band at Club Fred over the weekend.  Let’s just say that after both bands playing there a few times each, the jury’s in, and all the evidence points to Fresno being a TCB kinda town.  Which is good, because it also happens to be one of my favorite places to play.  It seems like everybody in the place always has such a good time, and I know I do.  Looking forward to another sold out show there in February!

“Never explain — your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you anyway.”

— Elbert Hubbard

CONVERSION NOTICE: This is one of 250+ blogs that originally appeared on MySpace. I’ve done my best to represent it with as much historical accuracy as possible, but there are limitations. Read about it in the FAQ.

Current Mood:  contemplative

It’s New Year’s Eve, and I’m staying home.  Let’s be frank.  NYE is amateur night, baby.  This is the night when even the people who don’t normally go out still go out.  And the bars and clubs know it, and they charge ridiculous covers.  And the SF streets are gridlocked with bridge-and-tunnel people.  And drunk drivers.

Not that any of these things have stopped me in the past.  So what’s the deal really?  OK, well let’s be really frank.  2008 was one of the worst years I can remember, and I don’t particularly feel like celebrating it.  But as I did for 2006, 2007, and 2008 (sorta), I thought I’d take a few minutes to wrap up the last year and ring in 2009.  This year, I’ll do it Sergio Leone style, and I’ll also keep it short.

The Good

Well first off, I’m fortunate to be alive and have my physical health.  In this economy, I’m also fortunate to be employed and financially stable.  I’m thankful for all my family and friends, their support, and their health and well-being.  I met several great new friends this year, and I got to spend a lot of time with my friends, new and old.  I saw a lot of excellent bands.  I met Duran Duran.  I headlined Slim’s, and played a ton of other great shows.  I was interviewed and played a few songs live on the radio.  I appeared in one of Morrissey’s videos.  As a nation, we elected Obama.  Bush’s considerable days in office are numbered.  That political nightmare is almost over.  The thing I’m most proud of this year is that I took the initiative to turn my peaceful life upside down in the name of opening my mind, and though I’m still dealing with the fall out of the Pandora’s box I set loose, in the end I think it will have been worth it, and that I’ll be a better person for it.  I’m making progress.

The Bad

There’s no question that the world got darker this year.  Or put more delicately, I’ll say it was challenging.  It was also the fastest year of my life yet.  Maybe that’s good since it was such a miserable year.  But then, it only serves to make me feel all the more that I’m wasting my youth.  I have a lot of regrets.  All those loud shows and practices without ear plugs led me to develop tinnitus this year, which still hasn’t gone away and may never.  I gave up on the original band I started, and I didn’t pick it up again.  In the working through of psychological issues, I made mistakes in relationships and became unable/unwilling to invest in them anymore.  California passed Prop. 8.  And of course one of the biggest stories of my adult life so far is panic/anxiety and how severely it has impacted my day-to-day life for most of 2008.

The Ugly

Mother’s Cookies went out of business.  I will never taste those delicious treats again.

2009, and beyond…

So there you have it.  What am I proud of and what do I regret about 2008.  I’m looking forward to shaking things up this year.  I live in the same place I have for years.  I work at the same job, go to the same restaurants and clubs.  I play the same music at the same shows.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  I enjoy those things.  But I’ve lived that year already.  A few times in a row now, in fact.  When I’m laying on my deathbed, I don’t want to look back on my life and feel like I found a comfortable pattern and stuck with it for a decade.  I want to make sure I’m infusing some new things in there too.  There’s so much to see and do out there.  Why waste year after year doing the things you’ve already done?  Well at least that’s where my head’s at this moment.  We’ll see if it sticks.

Before embarking on all that though, a great TCB show is coming up.  This Friday we’re at Du Nord, and the past two shows there have been a lot of fun, not to mention sell outs!  Get your tickets early, and hope to see you all there!  There’s even a rumor the Moz Krew might show up…

As I said, I’ll be around tonight, doing some serious reflecting on the last year and what I want to accomplish next year.  An exercise to consider… imagine yourself a year from now.  And ask, “what would the future me say he regrets about 2009?”  And now, “what can I do to change what he had to say?”  There’s a lot to think about for 2009, and for the rest of my life in general.

It’s been a bad year, kiddies.  2008: don’t let the door hit you on the way out.  And good riddance!  The quote of the week… er… year… comes from Bill Vaughan:

“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.  A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.”

Watching: “3:10 To Yuma“

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