OK, so I meant to write this a couple months ago, and so now it’s not exactly “current,” but oh well…
So with the popularity of Avatar (and the 3-D craze it’s brought with it), I thought maybe it was time to let this little idea go. The already ill-conceived remake of my childhood fave Clash Of The Titans was the first casualty of Hollywood embarrassingly falling all over itself to try to cash in. You’re probably aware that they actually delayed the Clash remake’s release so that they could go back and make it 3-D as an afterthought. Cringe! There are so many things wrong with that statement, I can’t even keep it all in my head. Amid all the bad reviews I heard, none summed it up so well as Bob Mondello’s review on NPR — which is worth a quick read/listen. I still have fond memories of that old red/cyan 3-D effect (which in my case is most closely tied to some 3-D Jaws trading cards Dad got me at a flea market when I was little). But in those days, that was what 3-D meant. And then I guess eventually we had Captain EO, but hey, that was 4-D!
Anyway, so here’s my idea. Every greaser crew needs to have one guy who wears 3-D glasses all the time. I make that judgment based on whatever combination of 50’s movies and TV shows has amalgamated in my head over the years. But seriously, you know the guy. If he has any lines at all, he’s usually the joker of the group. Probably a ginger. When someone asks him what’s with the glasses, he replies he’s trying to see his whole life in 3-D (genius right?). Yeah, you know the one. I realize this sounds a little crazy, but I mean, rockabilly fashion often goes over the top. I myself have a letterman’s jacket, and I’ve seen plenty of (admitedly unfortunate) poodle skirts and even a few satin Pink Ladies jackets. So yeah, it’s out there, but it’s not out of the question. I’m just saying I need one of these guys for my crew. And those little white paper glasses are as cheap as can be! Something tells me I’m gonna have a hard time talking anyone into this though.
But I have hope! You see, 3-D televisions are already hitting the market, hot on the heels of the Avatar trend, and viewers have to wear the 3-D glasses for them to work. We’re talking about people sitting around at home, wearing special glasses to watch TV. Now I myself cannot imagine wearing special TV glasses at home, but then I guess they used to think no one would ever pay for cable, and look how that turned out. I suppose if nothing else, it pushes the technology forward and gets us closer to some future innovation that I might actually be into (like a holodeck). But I digress. My point is that in time I’m sure some company will start selling retro-looking-but-fully-functional 3-D glasses for 3-D televisions, and when that happens, my hope is that someone will wear them all the time for me. Volunteers?