Idea: Throw me the idol, I’ll throw you the whip!

11 March 2011

It may not surprise you to know that there are some big Indiana Jones fans out there, and one of them has quite a collection of props going.  Among them is a series of replicas of the Aztec idol from Raiders Of The Lost Ark.

I’ll just say it.  I want one of these idols (and a stand) for my desk at work.  Now ideally, I’d have a dark office at the end of a long hall to go with it, but sadly, I do not.  I just think it would be funny to have that on my desk all the time, but then never really acknowledge it.  You know, talk to people as if there weren’t this giant golden fertility idol sitting there.  Offer them no explanation for it.  I guess I don’t really have enough foot traffic of new people though to put it to good use, and most of the folks at my work probably wouldn’t get it anyway.  Which is too bad, because what a great prank it would be to come in one morning to find it replaced with a sack of sand.

Idea: 3-D Chic

14 June 2010

OK, so I meant to write this a couple months ago, and so now it’s not exactly “current,” but oh well…

So with the popularity of Avatar (and the 3-D craze it’s brought with it), I thought maybe it was time to let this little idea go.  The already ill-conceived remake of my childhood fave Clash Of The Titans was the first casualty of Hollywood embarrassingly falling all over itself to try to cash in.  You’re probably aware that they actually delayed the Clash remake’s release so that they could go back and make it 3-D as an afterthought.  Cringe!  There are so many things wrong with that statement, I can’t even keep it all in my head.  Amid all the bad reviews I heard, none summed it up so well as Bob Mondello’s review on NPR — which is worth a quick read/listen.  I still have fond memories of that old red/cyan 3-D effect (which in my case is most closely tied to some 3-D Jaws trading cards Dad got me at a flea market when I was little).  But in those days, that was what 3-D meant.  And then I guess eventually we had Captain EO, but hey, that was 4-D!

Anyway, so here’s my idea.  Every greaser crew needs to have one guy who wears 3-D glasses all the time.  I make that judgment based on whatever combination of 50’s movies and TV shows has amalgamated in my head over the years.  But seriously, you know the guy.  If he has any lines at all, he’s usually the joker of the group.  Probably a ginger.  When someone asks him what’s with the glasses, he replies he’s trying to see his whole life in 3-D (genius right?).  Yeah, you know the one.  I realize this sounds a little crazy, but I mean, rockabilly fashion often goes over the top.  I myself have a letterman’s jacket, and I’ve seen plenty of (admitedly unfortunate) poodle skirts and even a few satin Pink Ladies jackets.  So yeah, it’s out there, but it’s not out of the question.  I’m just saying I need one of these guys for my crew.  And those little white paper glasses are as cheap as can be!  Something tells me I’m gonna have a hard time talking anyone into this though.

But I have hope!  You see, 3-D televisions are already hitting the market, hot on the heels of the Avatar trend, and viewers have to wear the 3-D glasses for them to work.  We’re talking about people sitting around at home, wearing special glasses to watch TV.  Now I myself cannot imagine wearing special TV glasses at home, but then I guess they used to think no one would ever pay for cable, and look how that turned out.  I suppose if nothing else, it pushes the technology forward and gets us closer to some future innovation that I might actually be into (like a holodeck).  But I digress.  My point is that in time I’m sure some company will start selling retro-looking-but-fully-functional 3-D glasses for 3-D televisions, and when that happens, my hope is that someone will wear them all the time for me.  Volunteers?

Idea: Smiths/Morrissey Rock Opera

30 March 2010

My ever-growing “to do” list is my neurotic burden to bear.  As I work through ways of letting it go and learning to live more in the moment, I am struck by some patterns I see.  Someday I may really cut the cord and delete my list altogether, but unless and until that happens, I’m looking for new ways to shorten the list… or at least combat it somehow… as it grows by like 10 lines a day.  So anyway, one of these patterns is that several items on this 3,500-line list are snippets of ideas that I know now I will never, ever get around to doing.  My options are to do something with them (which as I just said, I will probably never find time to), delete them and forget them (not a tragedy in most cases, but there would be the occasional lost bit of genius), or share them with the world (and thus let me delete them off my list).  So I’m starting a new category here of “Ideas I’ll Never Get Around To.”  Not because you will always find them interesting to read about, but because I think it will allow me to let them go and move on with my life.  Some will be big ideas, some tiny.  Some genius, some not so much.  So without further ado…

Who among us isn’t familiar with The Who’s “Tommy?”  And I know you’ve all seen “Moulin Rouge.”  A couple years ago, I myself watched “Across The Universe,” and though at the time I hadn’t yet immersed myself in The Beatles, I was moved by the overall presentation and the way those songs were woven together into a relatively coherent plot.

What I’m getting at is that I think the Smiths/Morrissey catalog is ripe for a similar musical film or rock opera.  I realize that compared to The Beatles, our beloved Smiths have a tiny — if devoted — following.  But I’m confident the mainstream could learn to love the music too if they were exposed to it in the right way.  The Smiths had what, 72 songs in their short five-year career?  And Morrissey’s been solo for over 20 years now, amassing another must be around 200 songs, right?  Now, I imagine most of you reading this are devout Smiths fans like I am.  And I’m sure if you’re on my wavelength right now, you can imagine vigintillions of possibilities.  So many songs about longing.  So many British and Italian landmarks referenced.  Every song is a story in itself, but also broad enough to be applied to nearly anyone.  I think this music lends itself extremely well to be meshed into a film.  Of plot, I’ve given almost no consideration.  And I lost my personal interest in screenwriting long ago.  I’ve envisioned much more the production and the presentation than the substance.  But someday, I hope someone with the interest and the talent will do a project like this.  At the very least, there would be a small army of Smiths cultists rallying for it.  And if it were ever performed live, I can think of a few musicians who might volunteer their services.

“Well they’re all playing lead aren’t they, all of them.  John Entwistle’s playing lead bass, Keith’s playing lead drums, Townshend’s playing lead guitar, and Roger’s fuckin’ the lead vocalist.  It’s insane.”

— Noel Gallagher on The Who